When you have a child, there are obviously a lot of things that change from your pre-baby life to your post-baby life. Michael and I always knew we wanted to have kids, and even today talk about how much better and more enriched our life is with Karina. And while a lot of things do change, there are some that we believe you should hold sacred to the way life was pre-baby. For us, it was Friendsgiving.

For the past few years, we’ve spent every Thanksgiving with our tight-knit group of friends. And as far as we’re concerned, they ARE family. We’ve done New York, Hong Kong, London, Austin and this year, New Orleans. And so (I think even to our surprise) we decided to…ditch the baby. Gasp! I know…I know. I can even sense myself judging myself. But the truth is, it was a months-long, thoughtful decision, and not to mention a very difficult one. As most parents would agree, there are a lot of traditions that you may have started pre-baby that have stopped post-baby. But for us, having mommy and daddy time with our friends who have always been there for us was important not only for our friendships, but for our relationship.

As parents (I might be biased but particularly for moms) we have a tendency to feel guilty anytime we put ourself first. It’s simply not in our nature. But what I’ve realized is that for me, I’m actually a better mom and a better wife when I take a little time to myself every once in a while. I make it a point to go out with my girlfriends and have dinner and cocktails at least once or twice a month. I make it a point to go on date nights with my husband and try out new restaurants and places at least once a week. And it’s not because I’m a bad mom or because I’m selfish, but because I am my own person with my own life. I also work hard, and I feel I deserve it. We all do. And as far as I’m concerned whether you work outside the house or are a stay-at-home mom, you better believe you deserve it too. It doesn’t even have to be anything crazy or frivolous. In fact, Michael and I just got a sitter the other day to spend time alone and go see a movie, which we used to do every Sunday before baby. The point is, it’s important not to lose your sense of self. When you become a parent, you’re given the biggest gift that God can give you. Take care of yourself and your happiness so that you can take great care of your gift.

Before Michael and I got married in the Catholic church, we had to do the required pre-marital counseling. I was really weary of it. “Ugh…it’s going to be a priest that judges us for living in sin before marriage. It’s going to be so disparaging…” I complained to Michael. Turns out it wasn’t a priest, and he wasn’t judgmental. He was an incredibly witty, older gentleman with a wife of thirty years and two daughters, and he was awesome. A lot of what he said still sticks with me today, but the most poignant was this. He said, “…your marriage will ebb and flow. There will be high points and low points. Try to remember the high points and create more of those. Address the low points, argue them out and move on. But most importantly, when you have children, put yourself first, then your spouse, then your child.” “WHAT?!” I responded in utter disbelief. He explained further that when you are happy with yourself and the choices you make for your own life, it is then that you are able to fully give love to your partner. And when you and your partner are solid, everything else just falls into place…even your children. To this day, I struggle with this because I’m not going to lie, there are several times when Karina absolutely comes first no matter what. But it is now, that I’m starting to truly understand what he meant. And that is that there is a beautiful little human being looking up to me at all times. When I get ready to go to work, and come back and talk about my career to my husband, she will know that feeling accomplished is important. When I take time see friends who I love and admire, she will know that relationships are important. And when I take time to put my marriage first and go on a date night, she will know that marriage is work and commitment and it’s important.

So in conclusion, yes we decided to ditch the baby for Thanksgiving. But it was ok. It was harder for me than it was for her, and we Face Timed several times a day. But looking back, I also appreciated the alone time with my partner-in-crime (except for the couple times we nearly killed each other on the road trip!) and the friend-time with our bests. Meanwhile, Karina had an absolute blast with her Nana, Tata, baby cousin and the rest of my family who smothered her with love. I know they will never forget this beautiful time they got to spend with her. And for that, I am incredibly thankful. Hope everyone had a beautiful Thanksgiving! Cheers!